


next to me

by oceandawn



Category: EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Domestic Fluff, Light Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Marriage Proposal, Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-16
Updated: 2020-09-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 19:54:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26494444
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oceandawn/pseuds/oceandawn
Summary: ben doesn't believe in much. but what he does believe in, is that callum will be next to him, now and forever.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 9
Kudos: 77





	next to me

**Author's Note:**

> hello!!!! ballum lockdown gift exchange fooooor callum-shmallum on tumblr! You said imagine dragons so i tried to base this little fic off the lyrics. 
> 
> next to to me - imagine dragons
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Callum's keys in the door are a welcome noise. Ben's had a rough day, and by how he's lounging on the sofa with his hood up is a good sign, if any, that the statement holds true.

The click as Callum shuts it back up for the night makes Ben turn his head, eyes on the doorway that'll inevitably frame the perfectly held and perfectly handsome boyfriend of his not a second later.

A navy suit, tailored nicely, black undershirt and a tie matching the shade of his suit. His hair is a bit shorter, subtle stubble, hair swept back in that usual quiff. He's an image of perfection in Ben's eyes, held together in ways Ben should be, but Callum hides the agony better than he does.

Not that Ben will admit that.

They meet eyes as Callum stands there, hands moving into his pockets. His lips tilt into a small smile, giving him that glow that Ben can't look away from.

"Missed you," Ben says, casual. It feels like the air between them is too emotionally charged for a textbook  _ hello  _ or  _ good afternoon.  _ It's night, anyway. Bit too late for that.

Ben doesn't miss the way Callum's smile grows as he tips his head down. Trying to hide that smile is a fool's errand because they always mirror emotions in some way, and Ben's smile becomes full of life.

"Yeah," he sighs, exhaustion clear in his voice. It's not annoyance, it's more relief that he's home. "Yeah. Missed you too, work was hell."

Callum walks through the threshold and it feels like he's finally home, hands coming up to tug at his tie.

"Wait," Ben pushes himself up from the sofa, walking those few steps to replace his hands where Callum's were.

God. Even mere hours apart feels like years, and when they're back together, it's this rush Ben can't seem to shake. It feels like breathing to have him home, to have him with Ben, to kiss his lips with the softest touch and listen to the hum Callum makes.

"That was nice," Callum whispers, even though they don't need to.

Ben grins, "Yeah?" His eyes stay connected with Callum's, feeling the slight tug on his neck as Ben pulls ever so gently on his tie once more.

"Yeah," Callum manages to squeeze that in before Ben's lips are on his again, soft and sweet, gentle and continuous and Callum doesn't mind.

He lifts one hand, placing it home on the curve of Ben's jaw, sighing through his nose. 

Callum pulls away, just slightly, and their lips still touch as Callum speaks.

"Coming home to you is the best part of my day," and the words make Ben blink, going still against him. Callum goes to say something, but Ben beats him to it.

"That so? Alright, own up. What do you want from me?"

Callum laughs, sweet and carefree. Ben always falls in love with him a little more at that sound, and he's not even sure if it's possible to fall more in love than he already is. 

"Nothing!" Callum says, thumb sweeping over his cheek. "I'm being honest."

Ben scrunches his nose, "You're too sweet, Cal'. But I find it hard to believe when you come home looking like you own the best business in town to —" Ben looks down at himself. "Well — this."

Callum rolls his eyes, silencing him from saying anything else as he kisses him again, and Ben would protest, but then arms sweep around him and the hot blooded Mitchell  _ melts. _

He feels safe. Feels loved. Sometimes, Ben can't believe any of it, at all. He can't believe the fire that still scorches but never burns every time Callum catches his bottom lip with his teeth.

Callum always wants him, and it scares Ben, scares him how much this is too good to be true.

_ Why do you always come home to me, when you can have anyone else? _

The poison in his thoughts resides as Callum presses his thumb behind Ben's ear, hands brushing into his hair, causing Ben's thoughts to thaw completely into nothing but a continuous symphony of  _ I love you. I'm loved. I can love. _

"When did you get home?" Callum asks, stepping closer so their bodies touch now.

"Mm. Two hours… maybe an hour ago?" Ben can't remember right now, he's too focused on how good it feels to have this comfort after starving himself from it for years.

"Rough day?" Callum asks again, wiping what seems like a stain from his face from greasing car engines. He must've come home and collapsed on the sofa.

"See?" Ben will never miss an opportunity to self sabotage. The world will work against him, otherwise.

"What?"

"Me, comin' home and not even—" 

"Hey," Callum makes Ben pause. "None of that. Bad days are bad days. I understand that."

Ben presses his lips together, frowning in defiance before he sighs. There's no use.

"You're perfect," mumbles Ben. "So annoying."

"Love you too," laughs Callum, but he knows that's what Ben needs to hear from the way his eyes take on this shine.

Ben allows his head to thump into Callum's chest, hands falling to the lapels of his suit jacket.

Callum just hugs him tighter, placing a kiss on the crown of his head, one hand brushing through the short strands as he closes his eyes.

"I'm happy you're home," Ben whispers, "Next to me." 

He knows what that means, Callum smiling, and Ben can feel it against him in his hair. It's his way of saying  _ I love you, too.  _

"Me too," replies Callum, squeezing Ben in his hold before sighing as he lets go. "Come on," he takes Ben's hand, loosening his tie completely, Ben pursing his lips as if  _ he  _ wanted to do that, not Callum.

He walks him up the stairs, takes him to the bathroom, runs a bath and checks it's not too hot before kissing Ben on the cheek and rubbing his arms.

Ben just looks at him with the innocence of silence and smiles.

Callum's with him, next to him, always.

\- - -

"God I— I'm so sorry, Callum," Ben says as he shuts the door, heart dropping at the half melted candles and the cold food on pristine plates. "It's work — I don't wanna' make awful excuses but I — I just couldn't leave on time and my Dad—"

He keeps talking until he can't, because Callum's hands are cupping his face and he's  _ right there,  _ smiling but tired.

"Hey," he says, and Ben swallows the rock in his throat.

"I'm sorry," Ben mumbles, trying to let his head fall in shame because he  _ really  _ wanted this date night to happen. They haven't had the chance in weeks because of Callum's work hours being a paramedic. "I should've been here."

"We'll have a next time, Ben. Don't worry about it," Callum leaves his side, and Ben panics, stepping closer again and taking his hand.

Callum looks at him when he tugs at his hand, heart breaking at the way Ben looks defeated. His lips wobble to say something, but this time he  _ can  _ look down, and he does, eyes falling to what could only be  _ his _ empty seat at the table, the smell of food in the air.

"I'm sorry," Ben says, again, looking up after what seems like a long pause. "I really am."

"Alright," Callum taps his shoulder. "If you feel that bad, you can wash up."

"You gonna' let me off every single time?" Ben moves past him, taking off his coat, placing it across the kitchen chair as Callum steps aside to collect the forgotten plate.

"No, but I don't plan on having a last one, either," Callum winks, or blinks, on his way past again, Ben rolling up his sleeves.

_ Oh. _

Ben keeps to himself as Callum scrolls through his phone next to him, waiting for Ben to finish the chore bestowed upon him for missing yet another date night.

Even now, Callum sticks next to him like a magnet, their hips touching, elbows knocking, smiles exchanged when they catch one another glancing.

"What?" Callum asks eventually, wondering why Ben keeps looking over with this expression Callum can't name.

"You," Ben shrugs. "You never leave my side."

"Oh, is it annoying? I just — we—"

"Callum, it's fine. I— I like it. You always being there— next to me."

Callum raises one eyebrow, smiles sweetly.

"You should miss dates more often," he says, and Ben frowns. "Makes you soft."

"Shut your mouth," Ben scowls at Callum's laugh, and it descends into small chaos when Ben pushes a hand of bubbles against his cheek.

_ "Ay! No!"  _ And the pair laugh between each other, the only tension left in the room replaced by soft hearts and even softer touches as Ben's back meets the wall, Callum's lips on his.

Ben  _ giggles,  _ actually  _ giggles  _ when Callum's fingertips search under his shirt and along his ribs, causing Ben to lean away but then back towards his touch.

"See? Soft," Callum argues, smiling against his lips as Ben nudges his chest, but he doesn't care.

Ben takes a fist full of his shirt, bites his lip and wears that proud smirk Callum always used to hate. It was an expression of greed, of victory. Now, it's nothing but playful joy, the starting chord of a song they play on their own.

"Come on," Ben tugs his shirt, and Callum is a moth to the bright, burning flame of Ben's love. "I'll make it up to you."

They thunder up the stairs with beaming smiles, slowing down to tender kisses when Callum combs his fingers through Ben's hair.

"I'm gonna' book—" Ben laughs as Callum tickles him again. "I'm gonna' book the best place in town, and we're gonna' go and eat the entire menu."

"Big words for someone that misses almost all of our dates," Callum grins as Ben grumbles. A victory for him.

"But you'll be there," Ben brushes his thumb under Callum's right eye, watches it, then looks back to the blue of his eyes. 

"Oh? Really?" Callum tilts his head all puppy like. "Can I sit next to you?"

"Mm," Ben taps his lips in thought, stretching his arms wide and sighing as if it's the hardest decision he's ever made. "We'll see."

"Yeah," Callum beams as Ben kisses him again, both laughing as Callum walks him backwards. "But I would — I would like to go with you. Jokes aside."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah," Callum holds his face so precious, his world in his hands. "Always. Anything. As long as it's next to you."

\- - -

"This is— this is—  _ shit."  _ Words are so hard. "This is a lot to think about."

The cold metal feels strange on his finger, but it shines like it'll burn if Ben just accepts it.

Callum proposed last night, after that big dinner at that fancy restaurant, and Ben must've stood there in blind shock for about ten minutes staring at this shaped metal, Callum down on one knee in that suit and looking every bit perfect.

Looking every bit of a man Ben doesn't deserve.

"Ben, it's 4AM," Callum mumbles, but the smile is clear in his voice, Ben turning to look at the way Callum's hair curls every which way and how the early sun makes him glow.

"I know," Ben says, turning back to hug his knees, still playing with the ring, moving it around his finger with his thumb. "I can't sleep."

There's a small shuffle, Callum shifting to lay on his side towards Ben.

"You don't have to," he says, and Ben closes his eyes because he doesn't like how sad and guilty Callum sounds.

"No— it's not that. It's not that at all," and out of all the times he wishes he could let his heart speak, it'd be now. Callum speaks with so much ease in his love now that Ben feels as if he's going backwards.

"You can talk to me, Ben," Callum sits up now, leaning on his elbow.

Ben pushes his lips together, rocking a bit until he looks to Callum, a strange hurt in his eyes that seems at home there, part of him.

"How can you— how can you still want me, want to  _ marry  _ me, even after I let you down so often? We've had fights and you've left before, but you never truly leave, you're always there, always  _ here—  _ next to me."

Anxiety. Insecurity. The fear of being loved and losing that love. It's the ultimate, mortal fear that's crushed Ben for so many years, broken and twisted that it's more apparent for him than most people. 

He's seen the worst of love. Expects the lies to hurt just as much as the truth.

But Callum tells the truth, and the truth never truly hurts when he says it. Sometimes, it does hurt, but there's always acceptance there, or a moment where he realises there's not always pain at the end of believing in something true.

Callum shrugs, smiling, and Ben already feels at ease, even though his chest shakes with nerve.

"I love you," he says, plain and simple. Plain and simple truth that blooms warmth in Ben's veins instead of pain.

"It can't be— it can't be that simple."

Callum waits a moment, then starts to shift, sitting up entirely as Ben follows him, eyes locking together. Ben feels his hand cup his cheek, thumb brushing what could only be a tear of joy, or relief, from his face.

"Sometimes it can be," he smiles, and Ben exhales on a sob, Callum feeling his cheek move as he smiles in return. "And sometimes, that's okay."

"You gonna' save the big speech for the wedding?" Ben sniffs, wiping the back of his wrist against the tip of his nose. "I won't cry at my own wedding, Cal'. So say it now, will ya'?"

"I probably will, you know. Cry."

"Why?" Ben asks, leaning his forehead against his.

"Because I found you," he brushes his thumb over his cheek again, "and I'm happy. I'll have you next to me for the rest of my life."

Ben shakes his head slowly, "You're too good for this awful, shit world, Callum," Ben brings his hand up now too, fingers soft against the side of his neck. "But if you want me by your side through it, then I ain't gonna' say no."

Callum chuckles, pressing a kiss to his cheek.

"Hey," he tilts his head to kiss him properly. "Kiss me. Don't wait until our wedding."

"That's charming," laughs Callum, kissing him properly, gently, feeling Ben smile against his lips.

"Only for you."

"I know," Callum pulls him down, curling his arms around him, happy as can be. He never thought he'd have this.

And when they walk into the Vic the next day, Ben almost jumps out of his skin from the cheers that erupt from everywhere in the bar.

Ben feels an odd sense of peace.

He glares at Callum, but Callum just laughs and takes his hand. Ben feels the ring Ben was planning to propose with the same night finally on Callum's finger. He remembers the laughter, then the tears, when he dropped to one knee only seconds after, and they rose to their feet with the red string of fate knotted tightly around their hearts.

Ben looks down to their hands, and he breathes in, cheeks warm with happiness, heart full of wonder and finally hopeful.

They'll be next to each other, always.


End file.
